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2023 - Week 50 - Not Yet Year in Review

Posted on:December 16, 2023 at 06:08 AM

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and as another week passed, it echoed those before, yet with a deeper, more poignant resonance.

The loss of my father has weighed on me more than I anticipated. Our relationship was strained; a meaningful connection eluded us, partly due to his dementia that silently eroded his memories long before its diagnosis. The grief of losing what we never truly had began long ago, but now, with his passing, the finality of that loss is inescapable.

His cremains are to arrive via USPS Priority Mail. Ironically, I missed their first delivery attempt during a brief outing, returning home to find that telling sticky note on my door. That outing, though, wasn’t without purpose. I was on a mission to bring a festive spirit into our home, fulfilling Liz’s wish for more holiday cheer. Her happiness upon seeing the decorations and stocking stuffers did, indeed, warm my heart.

I’ve been trying to immerse myself in the holiday spirit, watching Christmas movies, including the whimsically silly Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever. These small joys help, but the emotional turmoil remains.

Physically, I’m not at my best - a mild sore throat, a sniffle here, an ache there, coupled with fatigue, perhaps stemming from a restless night. It’s hard to tell if it’s just a bout of illness or a touch of depression. The dwindling daylight hours don’t help either, as we approach the Winter Solstice with its meager offering of sunlight.

Given all this, I’m allowing myself some leniency in not striving for perfection in this post.

Ollie Birthday

A bright spot in recent days was celebrating Ollie’s first birthday on the 14th. It’s astonishing how quickly a year has flown by. His birthday was marked with a new toy and a special treat from GastroPup. Although I got a fun video of us singing to him, I only really got this one kind of terrible photo of him and his birthday cookie.

As the year winds down, it’s customary to reflect and recount. Looking back through my past posts, I realize this year has unfolded in unexpected ways. In the coming weeks, I might distill some notable moments from this tumultuous year.

For now, though, I find this exercise in writing quite draining. I may revisit and expand on these thoughts later.